[转贴]清纯的－童言无忌 (爆笑)

老蹲

<BR><BR><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12px">幼儿园 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　幼儿园老师问她的学生：&#92;"谁能用&#92;&#39;肯定&#92;&#39;一词造句？&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　第一个小女孩说：&#92;"天空肯定是蓝色的。&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　老师说：&#92;"可是天空有时是灰色或橘黄色的呀！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　第二个小男孩说：&#92;"树肯定是绿色的。&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　老师说：&#92;"可到了秋天，树会变成褐色呀&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　这时，后排的楚阳向站起来问道：&#92;"老师，屁有颜色吗？&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　老师惊愕道：&#92;"当然没有！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"那么，我肯定我拉裤子了！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　算术测验 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　楚阳向：今天的算术测验没及格。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　爸爸：为什么？ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　楚阳向：老师问我2x3等于几，我说6。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　爸爸：没错啊！ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　楚阳向：老师又问我3x2等于几。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　爸爸：这他妈有什么区别！ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　楚阳向：我也是这样说的。 <BR><BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　童言无忌 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　5岁儿子：（指着妈妈红色的迷你裙）妈妈，你今天真性感！ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　妈妈：小崽子，怎么这么跟妈妈说话？跟谁学的！ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　10岁儿子：（冲着弟弟）我跟你说过多少遍啦，不要招惹有夫之妇！ <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;口渴 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　爸爸把儿子哄上床后，回到自己的卧室准备睡觉。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"爸爸！&#92;"儿子叫道。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"什么事儿？&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"我口渴，给我拿杯水好吗？&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"你刚才不是喝过了嘛！快睡觉，我已经关灯啦！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　5分钟后…… <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"爸爸！我口渴，你就不能给我拿杯水吗？&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"我刚才不是说过了嘛！你再叫我揍你！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　又过了五分钟…… <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"爸爸！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"又怎么啦？&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"你过来揍我的时候一定要带杯水！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;理由 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　儿子：爸爸，今天我不想上学。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　爸爸：怎么啦？ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　儿子：上周农场死了只鸡，第二天中午饭就吃&#92;"红烧鸡块&#92;"，三天前农场死了头猪， <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　第 二 天中午就吃&#92;"红烧猪肉&#92;"。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　爸爸：那又怎么啦？ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　儿子：昨天我们的英语老师去世了。 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;性早熟 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　父亲发现10岁的儿子过早地成熟，便决定对他进行早期性教育。不过，跟孩子谈这种事　　情总是很难为情的，但出于对孩子的关心，父亲还是鼓起了勇气。 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"儿子，爸爸想跟你聊聊。&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"什么事儿，爸爸。&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　&#92;"也没什么，是关于&#92;"性&#92;"的问题。&#92;"父亲满脸憋得通红，话语有些吞吞吐吐。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　儿子注视着爸爸异样的面孔，关切地问道：&#92;"没关系，您想知道哪方面的问题？&#92;" <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　脏话 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　孩子在客厅里玩着新买来的电动玩具火车，火车停下来时，孩子大叫道： <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&#92;"到站啦！你们这帮兔崽子赶快下车！喂！你们那几个家伙赶快上车！&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　在厨房做家务的妈妈听到后，来到客厅严厉地训斥道：&#92;"谁教你的！啊？你从哪儿学了这么多脏话！啊？你别玩儿啦！回你的房间给我老老实实地呆上两个小时，两个小时后你再出来玩儿，不过不准说脏话！&#92;" <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　两个小时后，孩子又玩儿起了火车。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&#92;"乘客们，你们好！感谢您乘坐我们的列车。请您保管好随身携带的物品，祝您旅途 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;愉快......对列车晚点两个小时表示愤怒的乘客，请向厨房里的那个母猪抗议。&#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;祈祷 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　教堂里，一个小男孩在祈祷：&#92;"上帝呀！我只有一个小小的心愿，请把首都移到纽约吧 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;！&#92;"一个牧师在旁边听到后，问小男孩：&#92;"小朋友，你为什么祈祷要把首都移到纽约？ &#92;" <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;小男孩答道：&#92;"有一个考试题问的是首都在哪，我答的是纽约。&#92;" <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　广告的效应 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　小男孩：我想买那个卫生巾。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　服务员：是你妈妈叫你来买的吗？ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　小男孩：不是。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　服务员：那是你姐姐？ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　小男孩：也不是，我想买。 <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　服务员：你买卫生巾干什么？ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　小男孩：我看电视上说：有了它又能游泳，又能滑冰，还能打网球 <BR><BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;母子对话 <BR><BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　孩子：妈妈！我能不能跟姥姥玩一会儿？ <BR>&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;　　妈妈：可以，不过你不能再扒姥姥的坟。</SPAN>

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清水玲珑

灌~~~